Kore wa Koi Janai
by Yokaze
Summary: The death of a loved one is difficult to bear. Who do you go to? How do you cope? Share it with the one who understands best, of course. Slightly strange, but hopefully enjoyable. Shounen Ai? Maybe? Not AkxRa, thank you. All comments appreciated.
1. Prologue

Kore wa Koi Janai (This is Not Love) 

Disclaimers: I do not and will not ever own Ranma ½ in anything other than book form. All characters are property of Rumiko Takahashi, not myself.

Warnings: Uhm. Shounen ai, and slightly twisted at that. There may be some language, and almost definitely some lewdness. Somewhat depressing theme throughout, I think. Yeah.

Notes: This story has been running through my head for God knows how long. And I don't know why. This is set somewhere somewhat early in the series, probably a little after volume nine (yeah, that one). Well, anyway, I hope that you enjoy it! Somewhat surprise pairing, but I bet it's been done. If it hasn't, I'll... I'll... eat something! eats a lot anyway

EDIT 6-25-05 - Thanks to some constructive criticism from BTB, this segment has been altered to be a little less... well, OOC, I suppose. Thanks very much, and I'll keep working on improving my work. Not to mention a few grammar corrections for a poor little fourteen-year-old's paltry attempts. XD I hope it's more enjoyable now. :)

EDIT 3-18-07 - I guess even seventeen-year-olds make mistakes. Brushing some stuff up a little, and also planning on fleshing out some of the chapters some more. I never realized before how short most of them are! I'll see what I can do.

Prologue

Akane glared challengingly at the gently swelling waters. She had always felt stupid and burdensome; Ranma constantly had to save her, and it drove her crazy. The present proved no different. When that shriveled old hag and Ranma had been fighting, he had saved Akane from the sea instead of focusing on his opponent. She had wanted to help, but instead ended up being saved like a stupid child and costing Ranma more than anything else in that fight - and in general, it seemed. She shook her head to try and fight off the dark thoughts; the ideas themselves left, but the miasma of grief remained around her, darkening the sky.

No one knew that she was going to be here. At least, she didn't think that they did. The fact that she couldn't swim made it uncommon for her to go to the beach. After all, being at the beach embarrassing enough without other people, especially friends and family, to be there to mock her when she failed. Which would most likely be very frequently, she thought sadly. She didn't even bother trying to shake the thoughts this time.

More than anything, Akane wanted to be useful to people. That was why she was here today; the crash of the waves on the shore brought her away from her bitter thoughts and back to the present.

She was going to learn how to swim.

Feeling embarrassed even though there was no one watching her, Akane hesitantly pulled on her floaties and held the kick-board in front of her somewhat like a bokken. She had seen children practicing in the school swimming pool with similar equipment, and so decided it would probably be a good place for her to start. After all, a little kick-boarding in shallow water had never hurt anyone.

Akane edged slightly, slowly toward the ominous gray waters, sand slipping between her toes as she cautiously advanced. She approached it as she would an opponent in a battle; she in no way trusted water, unless it was confined. And preferably in bath form.

Resolutely, she continued to creep toward the water, lost in thought, until the water brought her back to reality again by lapping up against her toes. It was a little bit cold, but definitely bearable. After having assessed the situation, Akane resumed her forward crawl, wading in with more confidence as she reached ankle depth. When the water lapped against her chest, however, she began to falter, and came to a standstill. She felt the water lightly tugging on her, encouraging her to move forward. Ignoring it, she turned parallel to the shore and began kicking with all of her might, clutching the kick-board just as fiercely.

Her intent focus on her swimming attempts kept Akane's attention from the fact that the tide was slowly pulling her into deeper waters, despite her initial efforts. She only noticed when she fumbled with her kick-board and found that her feet did not touch the bottom when she tried to stand.

Panicking, Akane scrambled to reach her kick-board, but the waters held it barely beyond her grasp, taunting her, and slowly but surely carrying it further away. The hysterical girl reverted to simply flailing her arms as she sank inevitably under the surface of the water. She wished, hoped that someone was there, but knew no one was, it was still too cold for anyone to be swimming and she hadn't told anyone, why, why hadn't she -

The rest of her thoughts quickly reverted into the depths of her mind, as the focus on her need to breathe took over. Her hands clawed above her as she was pulled even deeper, leaving trails of minute air bubbles to rend the tranquil blue. So much blue.

She opened her mouth to gasp for breath, knowing and yet somehow discovering anew that there was none there. The lukewarm waters flowed into and past her mouth, salty and bitter. Everything shifted, spun. Her arms fell as though in slow motion, slowed by the water and her own exhaustion. She was too weak, too weak.

--Ran--!

Suddenly, the world went black.


	2. Reverberations

Kore wa Koi Janai (This is Not Love) 

Disclaimers: I do not and will not ever own Ranma ½ in anything other than book form. All characters are property of Rumiko Takahashi, not myself.

Warnings: Uhm. Shounen ai, and slightly twisted at that. There may be some language, and almost definitely some lewdness. Somewhat depressing theme throughout, I think. . . Yeah.

Notes: Mrrh. I got through the epilogue rather easily. I wasn't even planning on having that there. Sorry to all Akane fans, but it is necessary! ;; I would think that this story would go easily, but. well, we'll see. I think it's just gonna get harder from here on out. Especially when it gets past where I thought it through. . . Yea, wish me luck!

Reverberations

Ranma sat cross-legged on the roof, hoping that no one would think to look for him there. He rubbed the back of his hand across his tear stained face. The news had hit him rather hard; he liked Akane despite their arguments. He realized now that, yes, he had been falling in love with her. He wasn't quite sure what to do.

The news on the radio still drifted up to him, of a local girl allegedly incapable of swimming found dead on the shore. She had drowned, and it had not looked peaceful. Some people denied that it had been unintentional, thought that she had been murdered. Ranma, however, believed every word of it. He knew that Akane was hard-headed enough to go out and think she could force herself to know how to swim. He almost smiled, thinking of her stubborn refusal to give up. Catching himself just in time, admonishing himself for even thinking of being happy, Ranma shook his head, fighting down tears yet again. Despite her attitude, it was just. . . unfitting. It wasn't supposed to be graceful, but... he didn't know. It should have been... poetic? Dignified? Something more than it was, that was certain.

There was only one thing that Ranma felt he could be grateful for, and that was the fact that he had not known Akane any longer. It made him feel horrible to think he was happier that she had died sooner than later, but he also had the feeling that their love would have developed, and it would have been even more painful when she died. But if their relationship had developed, this wouldn't have happened! If he had just loved her more. Unbidden, the tears overflowed again, despite his valiant efforts. He should have loved her more.

Creaking sounds on the stairs to the roof startled Ranma out of his self-loathing, and he turned toward the rhythmic sounds that indicated a slow ascension of the steps. He was certain that he did not want to see anyone right now. Getting up silently, Ranma leapt over to the next roof, hopped down to the ground, and ran silently through the yards of the neighborhood. The declining sun made his now ceasing tears shimmer as they flowed off of his face. Unfocused as he was, Ranma did not see the uneven stone in his path.

Hitting the stone toe first, Ranma went plunging headfirst into a small pond, startling birds and scaring frogs out of their wits. There she sat, stunned for a moment. Then, muddy, bleeding, depressed, and undoubtedly effeminate, she burst into tears.


	3. Any Comfort

Kore wa Koi Janai (This is Not Love) 

Disclaimers: I do not and will not ever own Ranma ½ in anything other than book form. All characters are property of Rumiko Takahashi, not myself.

Warnings: Uhm. Shounen ai, and slightly twisted at that. There may be some language, and almost definitely some lewdness. Somewhat depressing theme throughout, I think... Yeah.

Notes: Sorry of the chapters are kind of short. maybe when it gets into dialogue, it will be better. Well, this chapter is where it gets more interesting. And such. is on a writing spree pokes Howevah, now I just got back from dinner, so I may have 'disrupted the flow'. XD Well, we'll see. continuing next day Ahhhh thank you to SolarFire2 for pointing out that I put epilogue instead of prologue again. . . XD I think I was a lil' tired last night, so I missed one. Well, enjoy!

Any Comfort

Ryouga ran one hand through his hair and sighed angrily. He couldn't believe he was so helpless.

After a few weeks of wandering, he had finally made it to his own house, only to find the news of Akane's death on the radio, the news - there was even a message waiting for him on the table from Ranma. Only he would do something like that. Ryouga barely noticed that the message was consoling rather than mocking or Ranma bragging about how much closer he had been to Akane than Ryouga. The lost boy had walked away from that letter feeling better than he would have otherwise.

There was no mistaking the fact, though, that Ryouga was horribly under the weather. He, as many others, had been crying ceaselessly for a good number of days. His eyes were red and his throat was horse, so now whatever sobs managed to escape at random scraps of memory seemed more like growls. What hurt the most was that he had not been able to say goodbye. He would never know if Akane had ever considered him more than a friend. From what few hints he had, he doubted it. Even so. . . he wished that he had had a chance.

Startled out of his bleak depression by the sharp ringing of the doorbell, Ryouga jumped out of his seat. He stood frozen, confused for a moment, and the bell sounded again. He shook his head, realizing what the bizarre-seeming sound meant, and started toward the door, rubbing his eyes with one hand.

Pulling it open, he saw something he had not expected at all. Someone he didn't know stood in front of him; a girl, to be (more) precise. She looked as though she had been crying and her dark hair was slightly mussed. There was mud on her clothing, and most of what wasn't muddy shimmered damply. This prolonged consideration caused Ryouga to realize the she did look slightly familiar. He momentarily puzzled over this before noticing that the girl was speaking.

". . .friend of Akane's." She paused, shook her head. "I'm sorry, I guess. . . I was. . ." She stopped again, looking down. 'I. . . she was really close to me. I. . . I know that you. . . liked her too. Ryouga. I was wondering. . . if. . ." She looked up at him again, apparently gathering her resolve. "Do you want someone to mourn with?"

Staring silently for a moment more, Ryouga decided that he knew the girl from school. He shook his head then, what she had said sinking in. Still a bit puzzled, but feeling hospitable nonetheless, he stepped back and to the side a few steps, allowing room for her to come in. "I suppose. . . it couldn't hurt." Much.

The girl smiled a little, sadly, and walked in.


	4. Stay With Me

Kore wa Koi Janai (This is Not Love) 

Disclaimers: I do not and will not ever own Ranma ½ in anything other than book form. All characters are property of Rumiko Takahashi, not myself.

Warnings: Uhm. Shounen ai, and slightly twisted at that. There may be some language, and almost definitely some lewdness. Somewhat depressing theme throughout, I think... Yeah.

Notes: I guess this is where it starts to get weird. ;;; I dunno. depends on what you think of weird. It is definitely weird in my head. Maybe not so much when I write it. Read on. :3

Stay With Me

Looking at the girl sprawled on his bed, Ryouga decided that he had no idea what had led to this. This girl, who he hadn't even recognized, had stayed over. He took in her flowing hair and sprawled figure, smiling a little. Whether or not he was confused, the girl was cute. If a space hog.

Amazedly, he took stock of himself. Yes. he was definitely happier than he had been for a while. His room itself seemed to glow with her mere presence. Turning away from the sight, he walked out to the kitchen and set some water on to boil. He mechanically took what he needed out of the cupboard - tea, cups, a tray - not even really realizing what he was doing. He was stunned, almost mortified to realize that he was so happy so soon after the one he had 'loved' had just died. He must have been mistaken about how he felt about Akane. . .

He was confused. What he had was irrational happiness; they hadn't even. . . well. . . done anything the previous night. They had both just needed some comfort. Just sleeping with someone warm, even, had been very comforting to Ryouga. He supposed. . . just talking about it - Just having someone . . . be there.

Ryouga had never really gotten any affection. From anyone. Ever. His parents were always gone, as lost as he was. Akane had never seemed to feel anything more for him than friendship, and he was reluctant to even try to get close to anyone but Akane. Of course, he had been too shy to get really close to her either.

The pot whistled; Ryouga was again startled out of his thoughts. He stood and retrieved the pot from the burner, setting it on the tray along with the tea, cups, and various other tea-making implements he had gathered. With that, he carried his collection toward the room. His room. Her room.

Well, whatever the reason for his happiness, he decided to accept it. When he passed the through doorway, he saw the girl sitting up and rubbing her eyes and smiled.

She started at his entrance, dropping her hands from her face and looking up. She seemed - on guard, almost, but only for a moment. Then she smiled, hesitantly, and glanced at what he was carrying.

"Ah," Ryouga began, embarrassedly. "I hope that you like tea. This stuff, I brought home from China."

Her smile broadened, and she nodded. "Of course I like tea! How could I not?" She got up on her knees, looking at the packets. "Ooh! I love that stuff!"

Ryouga smiled. Having a person around in and of itself was a novelty, but having someone as energetic and cute hanging around him was practically addictive. But - "Huh? Where have you had this before? They only have it in a small town in China. . ."

Looking startled momentarily, the girl was quick to recover. "Oh yeah! That is, when I was over with Akane, her. . . fiancée. . ." the girl paused momentarily, looking saddened, but plowed on momentarily. "Her fiancée brought some back from China with his father. We had it a couple times." She smiled broadly yet again.

But Ryouga had not missed the pause. It wasn't when she had been talking about Akane, but about Ranma. He was filled with sullen anger; what the hell was with Ranma? He always took what was rightfully Ryouga's, always ruined things for him, and now he had successfully stolen the love of the only two girls he had cared for. Both before he had even had the chance to get really interested. He didn't even know this girl's name yet, oddly enough. And the worst part was that he always seemed to do it unintentionally. After all, he hadn't even known this girl before yesterday, and Ranma had already stolen her from him.

He tried to wipe the angry expression off of his face and looked over at the girl. She was staring at him, a little sadly, and seemed to search for words momentarily. "That's not it," she said quietly. Ryouga mentally slapped himself, realizing that he had been talking out loud. The girl sat in silence now. They both stared at each other, Ryouga with traces of anger and resentment, though not toward her, and the girl with contemplation and something that seemed almost to approach fear.

"What is it, then?" Ryouga said, finally breaking the silence. The girl, startled, shook her head and smiled weakly.

"Never mind. . . it's no big deal." She reached over and grabbed a cup of tea, sipping on it thoughtfully, seeming to concentrate on it. Yet again, the room seemed to be engulfed in an uncomfortable silence.

"Well," the girl began, and Ryouga was the startled one this time. "I suppose I should tell you, huh. Especially since you practically already confessed your love to me. I owe you this." She stood abruptly and decisively, walking in front of Ryouga, and staring up into his face intensely. "I don't love Ranma," she said. She put her hands on his shoulders and leaned against him, kissing him softly.

Ryouga was stunned, staring at the beautiful nameless girl, still staring into her eyes. . . so oddly familiar. He put one hand on the back of her head gently, trying to decipher her sadness. She did it for him, soon enough.

The girl looked as though she was going to cry as she lifted the teacup over her head and spilled its contents.

"I love you," she -he -Ranma? -whispered hoarsely, releasing Ryouga's shoulders and walking out of the room.


	5. Denial

Kore wa Koi Janai (This is Not Love) 

Disclaimers: I do not and will not ever own Ranma ½ in anything other than book form. All characters are property of Rumiko Takahashi, not myself.

Warnings: Uhm. Shounen ai, and slightly twisted at that. There may be some language, and almost definitely some lewdness. Somewhat depressing theme throughout, I think... Yeah.

Notes: Miao thank you for your reviews, it really means a lot to me to know that people are reading. I'm sorry that it's taking so long for me to do this, but I have to formulate ideas very well in my head before I can write them. Please bear with me. . . XD;; And I'll try not to start any other fics, because I have a strong urge to start a FFVII one right about now. that's what I get for playing it so much recently, despite my lack of time. Gah. . . I think it will be a struggle not to put really bad language in this chapter. That would be fun. :D;; Well, enjoy!

Denial

Ryouga stared in disbelief at the doorway the - Ranma had just walked through, wondering what had just happened. He felt - well, he didn't really feel anything for a moment, but then it all started to sink in.

That damn Ranma.

It was always his fault, always.

Ranma had done what Ryouga had thought he had in the first place - stolen things from him left and right, including love. He knew Ranma was outside, laughing, thinking what a wonderful prank he had pulled. Insensitive as always. Willing to play with someone's feelings right after a death. Spineless. Shameless. Heartless.

That damn Ranma!

Ryouga raced out the door after Ranma, grabbing his shoulders and fiercely turning him to face him, anger burning even deeper as he saw the innocent look on Ranma's face. He knew Ranma had been laughing, he knew it, and that he was keeping up this façade disgusted Ryouga. Staring hard at Ranma's face, Ryouga began to tense, edging Ranma forward in winces as he screamed in his face.

"Who the _hell_ do you think you are?! You mess with my _life_, you mess with my _love_! Is there anything that you _can't_ ruin for me? Why don't you just leave me the hell _alone_?! Did I ever _ask_ you to follow me? Did I _ask_ you to steal Akane, to play stupid pranks, to _ruin my life_?!" Ryouga, unused to expressing anger, was quickly exhausted by this outburst and could feel fierce hot tears gathering in his eyes. But he wouldn't let them; he had been tricked too many times into weakness by Ranma and his stupid ploys.

Ranma simply stared at Ryouga, who was now leaning forward with his hands on Ranma's shoulders, still staring angrily into his face, trying to convey his pure hatred simply with a glare. The only sound in the room was Ryouga's harsh breathing, dangerously close to sobbing.

Still staring into his eyes, Ranma pulled Ryouga's hands down from his shoulders, holding them gently as though they would break. "Ryouga, I'm sorry. . . I never. . ."

He trailed off there, still looking like he was going to cry, but valiantly holding back as Ryouga was. The look in his eyes was enough for Ryouga.

Just as Ryouga was about to collapse into Ranma's arms, to give in, to cry his pain out - about Akane, about Ranma, about his parents, about all the insignificant things in his life, Ranma turned, dropping his hands. "I never knew you felt that way," Ranma said, voice sounding hurt but not as much as before, and not nearly as vulnerable. "I suppose I should have expected it. I mean, what have I ever done for you?" He laughed weakly, and his voice returned to normal. "Just forget I ever said anything." With that, he walked out the door.

Ryouga, left alone with his thoughts, stood for a moment, dazed. Then, snapping out of it, he ran to his room; his empty room, filled with souvenirs and nothing else. The room that had seemed so alive when the girl was there. The room that it now hurt to be in.

Throwing himself on his bed, which still cruelly held onto the warmth of the girl that had been there moments ago, he cried himself back to sleep.

That damn Ranma.

HA HA! I could have finished it there but I didn't! I figure: more reading, more development, more fun! I hope you all agree, or you're probably gonna hate me by the end of this, if you get that far. So, ta-ta 'til next time!


	6. Awkward Conclusions

Kore wa Koi Janai (This is Not Love) 

Disclaimers: I do not and will not ever own Ranma ½ in anything other than book form. All characters are property of Rumiko Takahashi, not myself.

Warnings: Uhm. Shounen ai, and slightly twisted at that. There may be some language, and almost definitely some lewdness. Somewhat depressing theme throughout, I think... Yeah.

Notes: Oh my... it's been quite a while, hasn't it? I feel a bit bad for having left this story hanging for so long, but I hope that there will still be people out there who want to read it. On the plus side, seeing as I'm a bit older now (almost 18! Woo!), I'll be able to write more effectively and tie it all together better (I hope). So, read on and maybe tell me what you think, hit the back button and read something else, or do something completely different. It's all your choice! o.o;

Awkward Conclusions

Ranma stared at the wall of his room, limbs sprawled haphazardly about himself. He hadn't moved since he had returned home from Ryouga's, and could not bear the thought of going to school. Seeing Ryouga would be too much.

Too much, too much... had it been too much to ask? All he had needed was to share the pain with a friend, to have someone empathize and understand what it was like to lose someone so close. Was it too much to remember in peace, to bear it together? Too much to let go of his hatred for Ranma for one second? Ranma rubbed his eyes, sighing deeply. Of course it was. He had done too much to Ryouga. If anyone had done the same to him, he would most likely react similarly. It was all too much to think about.

Ranma gathered himself into a cross-legged position, settling his chin into the palm of one hand and resting his elbow on his knee. Perhaps it was a bad thing that he had simply walked out on Ryouga; they had been through a lot together. There had to have been more to it than that.

Why, then? Why had Ryouga snapped at him like that? Ranma stood fluidly and began pacing the room. It was obvious, upon further thought. Ranma had lied to Ryouga, and not about something small. He had taken advantage of Ryouga's state and his uncertainty in dealing with girls to... well, take advantage of him. But Ranma needed him, he knew he needed him - wasn't that enough? Especially without Akane...

Without Akane...

Shaking his head, Ranma clapped his hands together and stood still. He was being foolish, allowing himself to sink into despair and blame. After all, he ruefully recalled, it had been he who had stalked off and finalized Ryouga's statements. He was as much to blame as Ryouga, or even moreso. The fault lay with him, not poor Ryouga. Ranma concluded, with a wrench to his gut, that this matter could never be resolved. He had confronted suffering with deception, and had coldly severed any chance for his own apology, which would have been the only thing that could end this mentally devastating affair. He simply couldn't do it. In retrospect, he didn't understand how he had even managed to go to Ryouga in the first place. Desperation was his only explanation; but how did it get as far as it had?

Bogged down by his thoughts, Ranma sank to the floor and buried his face in his hands. What had he done?...

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Ryouga had decided not to skip school that day, feeling that even if He had decided to come as well, it was better to risk seeing Him than to stay in that room with memories of The Girl. It mattered not that they were one and the same; they remained separate in his thoughts. The only way he could maintain his sanity was to keep them as separate entities and try to ignore what had happened in the morning. Other than her glowing, adorable beauty. In his bed. There was something so wrong about that thought, but he refused to put his finger on it.

Luckily, He appeared to have decided to stay home. It seemed normal enough, really; almost a quarter of the student body had stayed home. The two had been engaged, and even those who weren't that close - well, Akane had meant a lot to many people. Ryouga shook his head irritatedly. She still meant a lot. To everyone. To him.

He couldn't help but snort a little at how pathetic he was, although he did manage to keep the derisive sound unnoticed by the rest of the class. Generally, people stop swooning over others when they have died. Perhaps it just showed how devoted he was. Even so, there was something shallow in his thoughts about Akane, something too. . . sentimental, almost.

Maybe he didn't want to be devoted any more. It was too much to try and deal with, to understand, but what he did have to get through his own thick skull was that Akane wasn't coming back. However close to zero his chances with her had seemed before, they were definitely lower now.

Shaking his head fiercely, Ryouga scolded himself. That was no way to think about someone who was deceased. He shivered at the thought of never seeing Akane, then. It was not just a baseless fear anymore. His worst nightmare had grown legs and crawled out of the dream realm.

Ryouga attempted to redirect his thoughts to something else, but only managed to get as far as the day before, when he had managed to do what he now considered one of the stupidest things he had ever done. In retrospect, he grudgingly accepted that He - Ranma could not have been messing around with him. After all, when he, as a girl, had showed up at the door, his tears had been genuine. It was a damnfool thing for Ryouga to have brushed off the sadness of another as though its only reason for existence was some petty ulterior motive. Ranma had defended Akane fiercely from anything and everything, as Ryouga would have had he had the chance. Of course Ranma had been suffering as well, and most likely thought (rightly) that Ryouga would not want to share his grief with a rival. It had been simple practicality, to appeal to Ryouga in a form he would not immediately recognize or reject.

Looking out through the window and over the school grounds, Ryouga clenched his fists and concluded decisively that he would apologize to Ranma at all costs.


End file.
